Eph softball joins Friends of Jaclyn program -- "adopt" Taryn Murphy

Friends of Jaclyn

Denis and Lynda Murphy's family had its world turned upside down in March of 2004 when older daughter Jaclyn (14) was diagnosed with a medulloblastoma, a malignant brain tumor.

On March 30, 2004 a six-hour surgery removed the tumor from the fourth ventricle of Jaclyn's brain. A few weeks later Jaclyn had a two-hour surgery to implant a life port into her chest so that she may more easily receive the frequent treatments of chemotherapy that awaited her.

The Sloan Kettering Center in New York City was the site where Jaclyn would receive her chemotherapy and radiation treatments. After the radiation Jaclyn was to receive eight, six-week cycles of chemotherapy.

Whenever Jaclyn and her father Denis entered the Sloan Kettering facility for the treatments they would walk down a hallway that featured large action posters of sports figures and Denis noticed one in particular that featured a college women's lacrosse player from the University of Maryland jumping into the arms of a teammate.

The finding of a tumor in Jaclyn's brain occurred just after she had started playing on a local club lacrosse team. When her coach found out that Jaclyn would not be able to continue he asked Lynda if he could have his friend Kelly Amonte Hiller, the head coach of women's lacrosse at Northwestern University, send Jaclyn something about her team. Lynda granted the request and did not think much more about it as she had plenty of other things to worry about.

Taryn (front row center) with her eph softball sisters

One day a large envelope arrived at the Murphy household addressed to Jaclyn from the Northwestern University women's lacrosse team. Inside was a team media guide signed by all of the players. Many players had written words of encouragement.

Denis Murphy recalled later that on Christmas Day Jaclyn was not even feeling well enough to be downstairs to open her presents, that is, until one of the Northwestern players called to wish her a Merry Christmas and to tell her that she had been thinking of Jaclyn. The call really perked Jaclyn up.

One thing led to another and the next thing you know the Northwestern team "adopted" Jaclyn and Denis and Lynda Murphy knew that there was a reason their daughter had been placed on this Earth. Cards, letters, photos and phone calls were exchanged between the Murphys and the Wildcat players and the Murphys began to think about expanding this idea of teams adopting kids with brain tumors.

Remember that poster of the jubilant player from Maryland leaping into her teammate's arms on the wall in Sloan Kettering – the leaping player was Kelly Amonte who was a star at the University of Maryland before she became Kelly Amonte Hiller, head coach of the 4-time defending NCAA Champion women's lacrosse team at Northwestern.

"To date we have 91 children adopted and over 200 teams waiting to adopt in 17 different sports (male and female)," notes Denis. "What happens during an adoption is magical. I still can't explain to others what it's like to be in a room of 20-30 student-athletes or listen to a mother tell them the journey their son or daughter have been through at such a young age.  It is then that the lives of those student-athletes are changed instantly forever."

"We live MRI to MRI, all of us the brain tumor world," says Denis. "We call it "scanxiety." I get up and go to work and exist in your world but I live 24/7 in our world. There is nowhere to run or hide on this planet. At the end of the day, your child has an insidious disease that can rear its ugly head at anytime for the rest of that child's life.  Children with brain tumors have a significantly lower survival rate than any other early childhood cancer.  It is the number one killer in children under 20, period." 

L to R: Eph head coach Kris Herman, Taryn, Jaclyn & Shannon Bryant

Williams College softball joined the Friends of Jaclyn program this year with the adoption of Taryn Murphy, Jaclyn's younger sister who is 12. Taryn does not have a brain tumor but was, like the whole family, significantly affected by Jaclyn’s diagnosis. "Denis Murphy and I have talked a lot about our team participating and every so often we would get around to how with all the attention focused on Jaclyn it must be hard for Taryn," said Eph head coach Kris Herman.

"To balance time between the children, make every effort to make time for the sibs," advises Lynda. "One-on-one time, even if it is going out for hot chocolate, swinging at the park, or playing a game of cards. The sibs are scared and they need to have a voice and to feel that their voice is being heard. Also have special time with both mom and dad whenever possible. It isn't easy because as parents it is exhausting to deal with the day-to-day stresses of this new medical journey. You also have the normal day-to-day things like laundry, cleaning, bills, food shopping and making dinner. It is a lot of stress and it all still needs to be done."

The Ephs were the first, but not the last team to adopt a “brain tumor sibling." The adoption of siblings without brain tumors now has its own moniker – "Safe on the Sidelines."
Parents of a child who is in need of constant and intensive therapies sometimes get all caught up in managing that crisis and healthy siblings can feel neglected, forgotten or a burden to their family.

"We call it unintentional neglect -- by no means would we ever want the healthy children feeling left out or neglected, it just happens," comments Lynda. "When your child is diagnosed, you go into a survival mode and your whole focus is getting your child well and preparing them for the unknown -- the treatments that lie ahead. You pray that your healthy children will be ok, because you must tend to the child who is ill. There are so many things that you are worrying about. As a parent, it breaks your heart because Taryn didn't have any other siblings to share this with. She really was alone and separated from her family so many days. She was only 7 years old at the time. So, if the siblings of the diagnosed child can receive support from an outside source, it helps along the journey."

"Our kids have really latched onto this concept and are into getting to know and support Taryn," Herman stated. "But this is a two-way relationship that is benefiting both Taryn and her family, and our team. Taryn has been to campus three times now – once last fall with her whole family for the adoption, and twice since then—in the winter she came to do the Relay for Life with the team and she also did some ice-skating. We love having her around.”

The Williams softball team was the second highest fundraiser among campus organizations at this winter's relay for Relay for Life spurred on by the inspiration of having Taryn walking with them. 

"Taryn truly has become like a little sister, an extended part of the team, and inspiration for us all," noted junior Jess Cross.  "She and her family have been through so much yet still find time in their busy lives for other people and we want to do the same for her.  Taking time out of our days to write, call, and hang out with Taryn grounds us all and reminds us of what is truly important and how lucky we all are.  I know this has meant a lot to Taryn (T-Murph as we call her) and her family as well." 

Six members of the Eph team recently drove down to the Murphy's house in the Hudson Valley in New York State to have a sleepover with Taryn. "We spent the night there eating, talking, playing games, and acting like we were 12-year old girls again," said Cross. "It was one of my most memorable nights at Williams. Her mom later told us she could not wipe the smile off of Taryn's face.

Taryn gets a lift from her Eph sisters

"My favorite activity with my Eph softball sisters so far has been when they came to my house for dinner and a sleepover," notes Taryn.  "My mom made my favorite dinner, pasta and salad and I made brownies for brownie sundaes.  We actually ate a lot of junk food that night.  We played Disney Scene and my team won -- Cat, Jess, Jessie, and me!  We watched movies, talked, stayed up late and laughed all night!!"

Cross continued, "I grew up with brothers so this has been an amazing opportunity for me personally. I finally have someone to talk to about all the fun middle school gossip! I highly encourage anyone who has the opportunity to work with youth-centered organizations, especially the Friends of Jaclyn, to take advantage.  We have all learned so much from our time with Taryn and I know will continue to take away even more as time continues."

"I really love having the Eph softball team as my big sisters," says Taryn. "They make me feel special and I know that they care about me.  I cannot wait to do more things with them."

Herman has succeeded in getting the University of Michigan, UCLA, San Francisco State, the University of Houston, Pitt and many other softball teams to adopt kids. Herman is now unofficially the FOJ coordinator for intercollegiate softball teams. "I told Denis I've been in the game for 25 years and I pretty much know everybody so let me do that for you and he agreed.  I help the organization however I can — and talking to coaches in all sports around the country has been the best way for me to do that," said Herman.